THE GRANDMA APPRECIATION POST
J-Zone conducts a video interview with his semi-famous Grandmother (Evil E) to reveal secrets of longevity as she celebrates her 86th birthday…and shows some senior citizen appreciation.
For her birthday, I bought her some Vaseline from Wal-Mart.
Senior citizens. They drive you up the wall when they pull out a special pair of glasses to read coupons and hold up the lines in the supermarket. Or if for some reason they’re still allowed on the road (gotta get that outlawed), they’ll drive 27 MPH in the left lane of a 65 zone and fuck up your day. But have you ever tried living with one for over a decade? Since my Grandfather passed away 12 years ago, I’ve been living with/looking after my Grandmother, Evil E (aka Greazy E). If I were to compare our relationship to anything in mainstream culture, it would be Fred & Lamont Sanford on the 70’s TV show Sanford and Son. In just about every episode, Fred’s dislike for everyone not named Fred, hypochondriac complaints and far-fetched schemes to make or save money got he and Lamont into hot water. Lamont often threatened to move out on Fred to live the more bachelor/Jack Tripper-like lifestyle suitable for a young adult, but for all of the aggravation, he always stuck around. Day to day affairs for us aren’t much different (or any less deserving of a reality show pilot). A good chunk of my 20’s were spent doing damage control for Evil E’s Fred Sanford-like body of work. Whether it was the time she pulled out a book of 47 -yes, 47- expired coupons in the supermarket and demanded that they be accepted or the time she called and cussed out the cable company because she was tired of seeing commercials during Knick games, her long running penchant for putting her foot deep in somebody’s ass has never lost steam with age. In fact, her arthritis only intensified her ability to bust ass, because now she uses that cane for everything except walking and still keeps a taped up Louisville Slugger bat in her room in case “somebody comes up in here with that crap”. But her favorite target is the one she can hit at close range, and that would be me. If I’m not getting lambasted because Wal-Mart didn’t have something that she sent me for, I’m getting sent to 6 different stores in two different counties for 6 different items to save $1.17. She (and senior citizens in general) have also mastered the art of the buzz kill. She usually waits until I’m eating to tell me how to get “a nice smooth bowel movement” and waits until I go to her part of the house for something to start farting all day and saying out loud “ooooh, listen to the gas”. When she gets pissed off, she may come after me without her false teeth in her mouth, and its comparable to being chased by Ms. Pac-Man after she ate an energy pellet. I even secretly recorded an argument we had over the grass strip in our driveway about 7 years ago, and it eventually found its way to one of my albums as a skit. Hear us in action.
Speaking of which, we may be the only grandmother and grandson combination in hip-hop. She’s appeared on three of my album covers, and it doesn’t get any rougher than these…
But for all of our daily gripes, she’s also taught me things that I never learned during my 6 year stint on the NYC nightlife scene (click here for that debacle) . She also gave me money to record my first demo tape when I was 16 years old and dead broke…and she still puts up with my shit today. Old folks give you an outlook on life that you just can’t get from any other group of people, and they’re just way too hard in general from what they’ve managed to survive. They may move a bit slower as they age, but they never lose their knuckle game and mental toughness. Cutting a senior citizen in line at the Key Food supermarket can get you thrashed around my way, I’ve seen it happen. Old folks even pimp better, literally. (Now retired) OG San Francisco pimp Fillmore Slim (aka The Pope Of Pimping) stole the show in the movie American Pimp…and he was way into his 70’s at the time. His old school approach put him above and beyond every pimp in that movie. My grandfather (RIP) bought his first Cadillac at age 60, and one time he stepped to a gang of rowdy South Jamaica Queens knuckleheads in the 1980’s…all by himself. That’s what you call Polident pimpin, the game don’t stop!
Therefore, I decided to do an appreciation post for my Grandmother (who turned 86 a few weeks ago) and Grandparents/senior citizens worldwide. They’re OG’s in the game, and if they didn‘t know what the fuck life was all about, they wouldn‘t have lived so long. What’s the secret to a long and prosperous life? Ask an OG Polident pimp, and check out this video interview my Grandmother and I filmed for her birthday (courtesy of Grime Life TV)
Evil E Interview from jzone on Vimeo .
And for those of you with living Grandparents, call em up today and give em some OG love while they’re still here.
Evil E…40 years later still worth fighting over.
The second guy from the right is the only one that never got married, I can guarantee that. Look how sharp he is compared to the other dudes.
November 3rd, 2009 at 10:20 am
Awww I love her. I laughed and cried…
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:26 pm
thats so sweeet….
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Wow, 86 years old, that’s something to cherish right there…seems like a really special woman…
My parents are actually senior citizens so I can relate…they had me when they were a lot older..lol..your right though, older folks man…they just got this 100 mile stare and resolute toughness about em’…you know this country done made em’ raw man….these new generations won’t neva know some of the shit our parents and grandparents done had to live through…from segregation to discrimination and the first few really bad recessions…
November 3rd, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Awesome man, that’s good stuff. Still have one grandma left, I’m going to go visit her this week after seeing this.
November 4th, 2009 at 10:12 am
Man that whole first section had me laughing my f@ckin ass off!the Fred Sanford comparison is way too priceless. I used to think you was just wildin with Greazy E on your covers… I even thought that interlude was you doin the grandma’s voice. But then I read some interview you did when you explained how real that shit was. And now that we have these social networks and blogs at our disposals, I’m REALLY getting to see how ill all of those sitings were! This is so classic homie Greazy E beats the shit outta Emma Jean!
November 4th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
dude she does have AMAZING skin for her age! i might start using vaseline. on my face.
November 4th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
That’s my homie. Evil E much love. This is a great tribute.
November 5th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
great appreciation post. video makes me miss my grandma. RIP abuelita.
November 6th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
lovely post..i can definitely relate to your story. I miss my grandmother terribly. It’s a beautiful that thing you still get a chance to enjoy your grandma. RIP abuela mela
November 10th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
great post. me and my grandmother have the same relationship…she’s been on a few of my records too lol. its great to see that inspiration and relationship. man and dont forget that Mentholatum! hahah
November 12th, 2009 at 10:14 am
This post was great. I live with my grandma right now too, too broke as a college student to go any where else, and it isn’t like Michigan is a hot bed of economic activity. It says something good about you taking care of your grandmother, J.
November 12th, 2009 at 11:29 am
Good to see some of y’all have a good relationship with the OGs. Soak up that game, because they didn’t get that old bein stupid! Word…