THE 15 MINUTE RULE: SOCIALIZING IN NYC
J-Zone explains why socializing within New York City’s numerous cliques is overrated.
A few times a year, I’ll accidentally fall into a simple night of fun in NYC. But more often than not, NYC nightlife is a royal pain in my ass. Maybe I’m just getting old, there’s no alternate explanation. Or if there is one, maybe it would be that my 10 years of performing, DJing, politicking and networking watching people blow smoke up each others asses in the music industry has caused my tolerance for small talk/unnecessary socializing to wane. It’s safe to say that I’ve become that cantankerous dude that people always predicted I would become, who nowadays rarely leaves the house after 7PM. After 6 years of “field study” (and about 8,227 miles on my car), I can honestly say that its unnecessary to mill around in any given NYC social “scene” for more than 15 minutes unless you call that scene home. I will also say that its a Haley’s Comet occurrence that anything worthwhile happens after midnight except for the occasional drunk girl fight. So these days, a night of event hopping is over for me by 12:01 AM if I don’t already have Halle Berry riding shotgun. All of the scenarios below are from one particular weekend about 2 1/2 years ago, but I’m not making generalizations. Not ALL people in any particular social setting fit these descriptions, but…ah fuck all that, I’m generalizing my ass off because its true 90% of the time.
- STOP #1: HOME (JAMAICA, QUEENS)
As a kid, I knew I would always come back to my grandparents’ home to live and build my studio. It’s only right, this is the place where I first discovered music. I got my wish, and I like living over here. Jamaica/ Locust Manor, Queens is a Black working class family enclave, closer to Long Island than any other area of NYC in appearance, distance and the fact that there’s no subways at all. There’s no demand for a Whole Foods yet either, so I doubt there will be a wave of gentrification anytime soon. At 4AM, I like the sound of my brand new sprinkler system coming on (except for the time it flooded my basement), it beats the fuck out of hearing some atrocious Debbie Deb/ Kanye mash-up coming out of some loft window. I don’t mind shoveling snow for the old folks on my block, but old folks are just about the only people worth talking to over here for any length of time. A good percentage of the few late 20’s/early 30’s folks left over here are only good for about 15 minutes of conversation before we veer into rap gossip (the new Smack DVD or the whereabouts of Bang ‘Em Smurf ), Superhead’s latest dick sucking adventure or some atrocious Tyler Perry movie that unfortunately left the cutting room floor.
“Yo Jay, you be on the creep man, where you been at? I ain‘t seen your hi-yellow ass in a minute.”
I explain that I was in Europe doing gigs, and after an “Aight aight”, the discussion changes immediately. Why? Because if you aren’t on BET or in the Source, nobody around here gives a fuck. If you can’t brag about it in the barbershop, it has zero significance. Nobody over here is the least bit curious about me attempting to drive in Australia with the wheel on the opposite side of the car, it’s just not on the radar. When you admit that you’ve eaten sushi or banged a girl in Europe, all you get is “you on that other shit, you nasty son!!!” On a rare note, we’ll actually move into politics, but once we get into “Obama’s gonna fix all this shit for us, we finally got a brother in there” territory, I realize that this conversation has peaked and I try to get to steppin, but we’re interrupted by a girl with a fat ass walking by.
“Yo shortay! Yo ma, lemme holla at you real quick!! Yo Jay, holla at that, you gay son?”
I’ve never known a girl worth a bag of Funyons that would respond to “Yo Ma, Yo Shorty!”, so I don’t say shit. Then, my man will inform me that the crew is rollin down to the strip club tonight. He passes me a flyer with a pic of a Patra looking chick with a delicious ass in mid-Bogle move. Looks good, but I decline.
“Yo son, you gotta be gay! You ain’t hollerin at these chicks out here, you ain’t fuckin with the strip club? Nigga, what the fuck DO you do?!”
I then explain that I’m not gay, but I don’t see the point in giving a stripper my loot for some janky ass lapdance. Strip clubs are an economically dumb way of catching blue balls, and I never understood the appeal of going to one, ask Pac-Man Jones. I’ll jerk off free of charge, then throw my dollars at Trader Joe’s for some of those tuna steaks. I’ll only throw dollars at a stripper if I can get them back at the end of the night.
“You my dude Jay, but you’re on that other shit!”, he’ll say. I give him a pound and try to see where I’ll head next in my socially motivated game of Around The World. I make a few phone calls and get some invites…
- STOP #2: SOME LOFT PARTY IN WILLIAMSBURG, BROOKLYN
This is a 15 mile drive for me, this shit better be worth it. As I drive through “East Williamsburg” -its Bushwick, Dickhead, stop being so Post-Giuliani- and further destroy my axle with the potholes that the 5 million bike riders over there can easily avoid, I can’t help but think aloud: ‘People pay $5000 a month to co-habitate in these beat up ass ex-factories with 22 other people?’ Anyway, I arrive at this loft party and do the best I can to mingle. There’s a Metrosexually tinged thrift shop fashion sense in here -like people are dressing to out shock each other- and the DJ just threw on a God awful mash-up of a Lil Wayne song and some 80’s pop tune. I then stop and reminisce about the one time I did a show over here and got booed for coming out on stage to a Big Tymer$ song, but here we are a few years later. Sure enough, there are people walking around in extra medium “Trap or Die” t-shirts and wearing sunglasses indoors at midnight. I gotta take a piss, so I run to the bathroom and I really don’t like what I see when I get there. Obviously all 300 of the people that live in this loft share one bathroom, so I guess it would make sense that the toilet bowl has a mysterious tan ring around it. I’ve been to quite a few of these loft parties, and this tan ring around the bowl shit is a common theme. There’s also some hair in the sink, this is totally my kind of party dude! Extending your college frat house years in to your 30’s must really be fulfilling, especially when you can likely afford a house to yourself in Long Island or New Jersey somewhere. But hey, who am I to judge!? I step out into the party and make small talk with some broad with a flat and wide ass drinking a Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and sporting a t-shirt that has a defunct breakfast cereal on it. She tells me she’s a vegan that only goes organic. Go figure. She asks where I live, so after explaining where Jamaica, Queens is -usually in relation to JFK Airport, the only Queens landmark any current “New Yorker” seems to know besides the Beer Garden in Astoria- she responds with “Daaamn, how do you live without the subway?!” I then respond with “Daaamn, how do you live with alternate side parking and late night track construction?!” After I explain to her that there is in fact life beyond the Broadway Junction stop on the L train line and point out that Westchester County is not “upstate”, she finishes telling me about her new dog and how she’s fascinated by the fact that she’s now an “official NYC girl” (shut up bitch, if you don’t know who David Dinkins was, you’re not a New Yorker). Then, a dude in a pair of $400 Flight Club retro Nikes comes up and jumps in the conversation. I notice that he has a “Crack Is Back” shirt on.
I ask him about the original “Crack Is Wack” anti-drug mural uptown that the shirt tried to put a negative spin on. He didn’t know what I was referring to, because he just moved here from Utah and finished his graphic arts study at Pratt University. Ah, I get it now, he’s going for irony. Little emo-indie rock fan boy becomes Young Jeezy all of a sudden, that’s so creative!! Get the fuckouttahere.
I asked him if he’s ever had a crackhead relative show up at a family function -I have, and it’s nothing to celebrate on a t-shirt- and he said , “nah, but the shirt is fresh”. I know “crack” is slang term that‘s widely used in entertainment, like “dope” (that beat is “crack”, etc.), but it’s obvious that listening to too many Clipse songs has caused this little guy to talk out of his ass. I see a decent looking chick, but she’s sloppy drunk and screaming the words to “Stronger” in my face. I’d rather rob the bitch than bone her at this point, and its obvious that I’m the pink poodle in the party -as was the case the last 15 times I came over here out of sheer boredom- so after a whopping 26 minutes, I’m ready to leave. Maybe if I never quit drinking, I could stretch it to 2 hours, but nowadays…no dice. Next destination…
- STOP #3: SOME HOUSE PARTY IN PARK SLOPE, BROOKLYN
My ex-girl was invited to a party thrown by her yuppie co-worker. I stopped by to pick her up, but it would be rude to just come and go, right? So I stay, not knowing that doing so would be one of the final nails in the coffin of our relationship. My ex (who was Asian) can’t see that this party full of snobby yuppies have made her designated photographer, but won’t offer her any drinks and won’t talk to her beyond giving orders. I mention this and she gets mad. To end the arguing, I allow myself to get dragged into small talk with her co-worker and her Alex P. Keaton tool of a boyfriend. I didn’t expect the conversation to last long. I can’t remember how, but doo-rags came up, like what are their purpose. I used to joke with my friend about how being seen as the “non-threatening” Black dude will cause questions like this to fall out of the sky when somebody whose never been around any Black folks decides that they no longer have to hide their purse and they get a little too cozy. Somebody from my neighborhood would’ve punched them in the mouth for that shit, but I know the game. Don’t forget, I went to school with folks like this for awhile. We played on the football team together, and they didn’t want me playing any “Public Enemy jungle music” in the locker room. But now that Brooklyn is the hip spot, here they fuckin come, embracing a neighborhood that they ridiculed as a ghetto pre-2000 and now they pass judgment on anybody that doesn’t live there in 2009.
“We live near where they filmed the Cosby Show!”
I know that already, cunt mouth. I answered their question about “doo-rags”. Then -like I did in the seventh grade when the little Paris Hilton looking bitch would start touching my flat top- I asked them, ‘How do you make your hair lie down straight like that without a hot comb?’ They didn’t know how to react, and neither did my ex, who then left with me and chewed me out in the car for being “inappropriate”. We broke up shortly after, but I really can’t blame her for not understanding. This isn’t much of a problem in Japan. Willful ignorance is truly American. Park Slope/Carroll Gardens is worth about 10 minutes of my time unless I‘m getting paid or laid somehow. Next stop…
- STOP #4: HIP HOP EVENT IN THE WEST VILLAGE
This is a short stay, despite the fact that it took 37 minutes of block circling to find a damn parking space. Parking woes eliminate the Village as an option for me 95% of the time. Actually, I meant to go to APT (a lounge on the west side) because they have some real dope parties there sometimes, but parking over there is next to impossible. Anyway, I’m at this hip-hop showcase instead, because what? THERE’S NOTHING ELSE TO DO!! As soon as I let it be known that I’m no longer actively hustling my way through the music industry septic tank, conversation ends right there. Again, the fact that I’m not getting completely hammered anymore leaves nothing else for me to talk about. I’d rather hear you talk about what brand of dental floss you use -most of these halitosis ass freestyle cypher ass rappers could use some floss- than who you have as a guest on your new mixtape. Most of these events are an indoor version of the front of Virgin Megastore in it’s street CD hustler’s haven heyday. And no, I don’t have free beats for your “mixtape” (like the fact that it’s not an official album makes it OK to ask for free beats). 12 minutes, tops.
- STOP #5: “GROWN & SEXY” EVENT, UPTOWN
Mid-90’s Bad Boy era hip-hop and R&B blasting inside, plenty of fine chicks with fat asses lined up outside. Should be a decent night, right? No. First, the dickhead bouncer, who is a dead giveaway for Kay Slay, starts to beef…
“No sneakers and no Tims, bruh. White on white Air Force Ones or shoes only.”
What?! Negro please. For a $30 door cover, I wear what the fuck I want. Like a pair of white on white AF1’s are a surefire sign that I won’t go in there and start grabbing asses and throwing bottles. I had a pair of shoes in the car, so I got them and came back to bite the bullet on that bullshit door charge like an idiot, because what? THERE’S NOTHING ELSE TO DO!! It was my homie’s 30th b-day, so that’s a dollar for each year, I look at it that way. Of course 70% of the women in there are straight out of a Diddy video, but if you ain’t buying drinks and looking hustler fresh, you’ll be with your hand tonight. After some hipster broad commented on how my afro is “so cool” earlier, I’m told by a cute Nia Long looking chick in here that I need a haircut, “badly”. I explain to her that I got sick of spending $20 every two weeks for a ceaser and brushing my hair for 4 hours everyday to attain 360 waves because I’ve got better shit to do. Then, the jokes on my Ralph Lauren Chaps shirt start. So I shop at Marshall’s, kiss my ass. There’s plenty of people in here with some real Polo on, but they have no health insurance. Gotta love “Grown N Sexy” living, it reeks of maturity. After about 30 minutes of evil return stares from chicks I made eye contact with that know I have no money and think I look bummy, I’m again ready to leave. Everybody is checking their iphones every three minutes, like they just got a stock tip from Mortimer and Randolph themselves, and I’ve had enough. It’s now 3AM, and I’ve spent the last 6 hours fighting to find parking spots, fighting through Houston Street traffic and fighting to stay interested and make conversation in different scenes of NYC. I’ve also dinged up my axle on Atlantic Ave. on the way home and put 67.2 useless miles on my ride (which is the place I spent most of my time in just getting to these God damn functions). I even drove by the local strip club the dude from my neighborhood told me about earlier. Of course, a brawl broke out and it got shut down early. Now that’s class!
There you have it. That’s for all of my fellow New Yorkers that fit in everywhere, but don’t fit in anywhere. For a city that prides itself on diversity and variety, NYC is the most cliquish, deceptively segregated and lonely city in America. I’ve actually come to utilize nights like this for laughter purposes, and although every part of NYC has some alright people there, every “scene” itself is pathetic. I’ve gotten a few cheap and trampy one night stands out of this “field study”, but I wish I had stayed home 90% of the time. This is why nowadays you can find me hangin with the elderly folks in my neighborhood. Hearing their secrets to a successful marriage are pimpishly hilarious -”young brother, you gots to lay that pipe to the broad, no matter how bad the arthritis is kickin in!”- and their opinions hold more weight than some NYC transient (who has never been north of Union Square, East of Bushwick or South of Prospect Park) telling me that racism doesn’t exist here because we’re a Blue state. Or some Sex & The City ass broad claiming “Bed-Stuy Brooklyn” all loud and doesn’t know where Boys & Girls High School is. My new spot is the Jamaica Central Library, there’s no cover charge for that place. Not to mention, if you stay late you can meet some bookworm women. They begin to appeal to you immensely after years of pointless mingling in NYC. Books > mingling.
October 5th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Never really experienced NYC, (spent like 30 min. in midday Manhattan, a.k.a. a couple of seconds in New York time I suppose) but I definitely know the “fit in everywhere, but don’t fit in anywhere” feeling all too well. That and being the “non-threatening black guy” getting asked all the taboo questions so-and-so can think of at the moment.
Another good post man, the hot comb question was pure genius, haha.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:29 am
Damn, I didn’t know New York either embraced or even bred those yuppie / hipster type cats, talking to one is a bitin your tongue and noddin your head to whatever the fuck they sayin type of predicament when they shed pretence and false relativety.
Then those other types of dudes as you mentioned are all too familiar probably everywhere, over here in London as much, waste a bag on strippin’ and then go on down to fuck up some youngens house party and then stand around till the early hours. Atleast NY made a whole subculture for the people to be creative with. A time well spent.
Good post J.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
“How do you make your hair lie down straight like that without a hot comb?”
haha. classic shit. I feel you on pretty much everything written here though Zone, hell im only 21 so im fucking surrounded by these people all day, its like they take the good things in life and destroy them slowly. Like yeah I love to talk about music, but I couldnt give a fuck about who punched who or who’s in the clink, half the time those muh fuckas make wack music anyways. whatever happened to talking about dope flows or rhymes that may have gone over your head?
p.s. I would much rather cop a $20 shirt and pay my bills then spend $120 on some bullshit “brand name” and not be able to put food in my mouth or heat my house, dudes need to grow up.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:40 am
A+ posting.
You’re probably not so grown if you’re naming (or attending) a party called Grown & Sexy.
Those parties are filled with hoochified bitches, and dumb ass niggas wearing Stacy Adams zoot suits.
October 5th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
@ Boothe…Hahahahaha. Yeah thats what I thought when I was told that was the “vibe” of the event. Stupid ass name. That tag is for 31 year old hoodrats that think Tyler Perry movies are suitable for adults.
October 5th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Damn ” J “, you put a lot of bullshit I have been going through lately in the proper perspective…..Only thing is, I live in california…….I guess shit is getting extra lame everywhere you look……
I’m in my early 30’s and I can’t believe the playing field is looking so shameful…..Good writing famz, keep it going…..
October 5th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
I keep hearing accounts just like this of modern day NYC and Brooklyn….sad stuff man….Hipsters are fuckin’ corny, and they seem to have invaded Williamsburg in a major way….Sorry to hear about Park Slope claiming your relationship…Actually know a female that lives there now who moved all the way from Portland….
LOL, fuck those silly broads that was tryin’ to size you up too, that’s everywhere these days…them is the females that will never learn and will stay with a financially set dude that whoops they ass b4 they get with a real man who might have to take her to Sizzlers once in awhile. Whatever…these lil’ kids don’t know what the real world is about…
Spending $400 bones on clothes or shoes?…shiiiet, most of these muthafuckas was jerkin around in college when I was working shitty jobs to stay afloat…guys like me don’t mix with punk ass hipsters….they wanna be about everything that I naturally am and grew up with, and they try too hard to act like they don’t give a fuck about what others think when in fact that’s precisely all they’re insecure asses do care about…
excellent write up Zone…
October 5th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Very funny post!
Don’t forget that tonight you got an A Class Party.
October 5th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Speaking of Portland (Oregon, right?) I’m from there and we have the same hipster/yuppie problem. At least we still have Brandon Roy.
October 6th, 2009 at 6:25 am
Word D.O. I dont have a problem with these Trust(fund)afarians movin here, its a free country. But don’t turn your nose up at the folks that make the city run. These people shit on folks that live in Queens, Staten Island, Long Island or Westchester…”you live in the burbs man”. So? Your from a farm originally, shut the fuck up and stop walking around singing Clipse rhymes about crack. Until you take a visit to the local public school in your area (which is still underperforming despite the gentrification that surrounds it), dont talk that Brooklyn shit. Go to Westinghouse HS and talk that Brooklyn shit out loud with that crack is back t-shirt on…better yet roll to Roosevelt, Hempstead, New Cassel or Wyandanch, Long Island and talk that “Long Island is lame” shit and get rolled up in a minute by some “suburbanites”. fuckoutta here
October 6th, 2009 at 8:27 am
“Daaamn, how do you live with alternate side parking and late night track construction?!”
October 6th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Jay…
It gets really I’ll when these heads start coming to your shows. That’s when it gets real confusing.
October 6th, 2009 at 9:20 am
as bad as all this is, especially the hipsters and times square being pure shit now, it beats Philly 100 times out of 100. we have all this in philly and worse because philly has always been wack. at least NYC had is moments. and NYC has much more hotter woman woman. everyone here looks like a bird.
October 6th, 2009 at 9:25 am
i agree that williamsburg has a million annoying hipsters, park slope is full of “cool” yuppies and basically everything else you said. i think the problem IS that you’re just getting older and more salty. in the past nyc had different problems, but problems nonetheless. every party has some corny elements and some problems.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:09 am
@ Angel…but at least the 76ers made the damn playoffs! Our center is the only one in NBA history to get injured eating a bucket of chicken and burst an exercise ball just by sitting his fat ass on it. @ Benny…yeah, I’m just venting, I know my ass is getting old and grumpy as shit. I’m a curmudgeon and that will never change. But the whole idea of this blog is to celebrate and poke fun at the fact that I’m old and completely outta touch, haha.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Go to the library!
Seriously J., if you’re using “GROWN & SEXY” events as reeds to determine which way the winds of informed and elegant conversation are blowing in NYC, you’d best toddle over to the bunny slopes, because all those locales need to be X’d off the list…. POST HASTE!!
You’re slayin’ me with that “Mortimer and Randolph” line, though.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:17 am
fuck that. eddie curry lost 40 lbs. we going to the finals this year!
October 6th, 2009 at 10:23 am
@ G Lampa…I was making a joke about the stupidity of the name “Grown & Sexy” name and all it entails (even the flyers for those events are notoriously hoodrat), but I wasn’t expecting any intriguing conversation. But even my low expectations were too high, haha. @ Choi…Eddy Curry is still 400 pounds, he just adjusted the scale
October 6th, 2009 at 10:33 am
I smell you.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:41 am
finals baby!
http://api.ning.com/files/*rfculJuTXhXeGgiJGLL5ng8pktdb-Aj-5AgSeOw9PmkdyI7mD2pXpONbXRtWQP6HU*kfZQJcyjHr*J9BLkZA0BxeaPl*ZSl/EddyCurryBigMac.bmp
October 6th, 2009 at 10:46 am
So on point on all counts. New York nightlife is wackdotcom.
i can’t deal with the way hipsters “appreciate” and commodify cultures. last week i got an invite to an “aaliyah tribute” party in les, which turned out to be an excuse for hipsters to get shwasty. SO kitsch!
Like, bitch, create your shit, you have no culture beyond fucking irony which is inevitably a derivative of somebody else’s shit.
October 6th, 2009 at 11:03 am
i LOVE THIS POST! I’m a native new yorker (UES now reside in Downtown Brooklyn)- and I have experienced everything your talking about! But i have a question - can you be white AND “Grown and Sexy”?
October 6th, 2009 at 11:13 am
@ Choi..NOOOOOOOOO! Knicks will finish 14-68. D’Antoni’s love for coaching speed and Curry’s fat slowness will equal another year where high school ball runs NYC. @ Public School Whitey…haha I guess so. Regardless, “Grown & Sexy” is the stupidest of all of these things, because most of them are really much older than the other groups on the whole and should know better. But they aren’t what I’d call “grown” or “sexy” by any stretch of the imagination.
October 6th, 2009 at 11:41 am
sad but true, I’m a knicks fan, and they’ll be lucky to win 25 games. they only enjoyment I get where i live is that everytime the phillies win a game in the playoofs a marching band goes up my street playing “Take Me out to the Ball Game”. even if its a wednesday at 2am. Yo, Jay, for some reason, reading this blog made me think about that movie Murder Party. look into it. and I still want to know how you ended up being in Bad Biology and to boot the best part besides Prince Paul’s music and the overal weirdness.
October 6th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
fuck that at least they resigned nate and david lee.
chris duhon did his thing last year, gallinari is finally healthy. got my asian brother Sun Yue and donnie darko from serbia. WE GOING TO THE FINALS.
lakes, cavs, magic ain’t got SHIT on us.
October 6th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAO4EVMlpwM
October 6th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Angel…Thanks. Bad Biology was a one shot audition. I guess I’m meant to play drug dealers, it was filmed 4 years ago. Choi…you said your Asian Brother Sun Yue…I think that’s the funniest shit I heard all day, but we’ll still be a lottery team next year…and we’ll wind up NOT getting LeBron. Somebody in the front office is gonna foil that operation.
October 6th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
I live in NYC and I don’t like going out much because of everything you spoke of.I tell people my life is like Seinfeld or larry david in curb your enthusiasm.I just keep asking WHY?
LOL @ Grown&Sexy Party..These parties are good for one night stands..lol…
the formula…for a one nite stand in nyc…probably everywhere
….
1-A FRESH FITTED
2-A NEW CUT
3-NEW STYLISH KIKS
4-NAME BRAND CLOTHES THAT LOOK EXPENSIVE..SO MANY CELEBRITIES SHOP ON 7TH AVE AND 34TH STREET SPENDING A FRACTION OF THE RETAIL PRICE..SO A GOOD $120 WILL BUY A WHOLE OUTFIT THAT WILL MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR BALLING..
5-KEEP YOUR CONVERSATIONS ABOUT MUSIC,TV OR A LIL POLITICS NOW(OBAMA)
6-ACTUALLY SINCE YOU UNDERSTAND THIS CROWD..WHEN YOU DO SPEAK ABOUT SHIT YOU DO KNOW..IT MIGHT GO OVER THEIR HEADS AND THEY’LL THINK YOU WERE THE SMARTEST MAN THEY HAVE EVER MET.
**********ONE NITE STAND***************
YO JAY…
EXCELLENT WORK!!
October 6th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
let’s gooooooooooooooo!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8NXJ8jW8JE
oh by the way, grown & sexy hipster house party @ apt friday oct 16th
j-zone
small change
and choimatic
free. say “j-zone is a hipster” at the door for free entrance.
October 6th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
You should be doing construction cause you hits the nail on the head EVERY time!
October 6th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
yo this excellent blog post is twitterverse OFFICIAL namean !!!
October 6th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
YO TUNA STEAKS IS THE BEST SHIT FROM TRADER JOE’S HANDS DOWN.
October 6th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
so, being a recent defector from brooklyn and someone who never had much luck socializing there, i really wanted to relate to this, but … (1) okay, yeah, hipsters are annoying, white people in park slope are ignorant-still hilarious, but hardly a novel insight (2) about 12 years ago is when i figured out that people who protest that “THERE’S NOTHING ELSE TO DOOOOOO” (in ny no less) are probably socially deficient…albeit just LIKE ME…but socially deficient nonetheless (3) you go through the whole holier-than-thou rigamarole then go to the strip club? really? (4) i like hanging out with the old peeps in my dc neighborhood too. and, indeed, it is partly ’cause i “like their sass,” and partly because driving other places in the city is a pain in the ass. in larger part, however, it’s because i’m a lazy curmudgeon, and that’s on me, not on every social scene out there failing me.
October 6th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
Yo, what the fuck is a “MASH-UP”?!? You mean a BLEND?? Like some S&S, Kid Capri, Ron G, Stephanie Mills vs. Eric B type shit?!? That’s a BLEND, Son. Mash-up? c’mON now, don’t be so post-Gulianni. That shit don’t even sound right… That’s some England, Bangers and Mash Spotted Dick type shit. C’mon Son. That shit sounds a little broke-back to me.You my dude Jay, but you’re on that other shit.
But seriously, I enjoy the Jamaica Central Library branch as well.
October 6th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
EVERY FREAKIN TIME MAAAN… I dont even wanna talk/hear about these wacksters anymore they remind me why i stay in an attic 5 out of 7 days a week… remember the last time we chilled LOL i think u were in the club for like 10 mins.
October 6th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
@ KC, I know, haha. But the irony of it all is the point I was trying to make, it wasn’t a holier than thou thing. When you know you dont vibe with a particular scene (in the case you brought up, strip clubs), only to have it cross your mind it when you’re spent from socializing everywhere else, its the cycle itself i was referring to (just like when i mentioned being at a loft party prior to that one time and not being into it, yet i went back). that error on my part was my point. i hated those scenes, yet i would show up there for 10 minutes, get whatever was fulfilling out of it then leave to the next one, eventually getting burned out and doing my own thing. the late 20’s are known for that if you’re in a city like NY that’s segregated. you dont fit in any particular crowd, yet you can get a pass for a few minutes. plus if you’re in the music business like i was and don’t have a family, you tend to try luck in places where you havent had a lot of success, because being single and in entertainment increases the pressure to be doing something. like i said, these incidents were in my mid-late 20’s, 2 1/2 to 6 years ago. as you get into your 30’s, there’s no pressure to do things you don’t feel like doing, you accept what you have and enjoy it for what it is…and in turn you discover that unassuming things (kickin it with old folks, the library, afternoon events) can make you happier than doing what you felt was the norm in your 20’s. im grumpy and on some low key shit, but im cool with it now. im on the outside looking back/in, that was my point. @ felix…yea i remember that, haha. aint nuthin wrong with the attic if youre happy there.
October 7th, 2009 at 8:23 am
These experiences are indeed nation-wide… and they’ve been occurring during the same times that yours have been. It’s the changes in the music industry itself that are to blame mostly. Your experiences within it come next. If things were still genuine, unique and soulful as they once were all of the time, you’d be writing about how much better things have gotten. People praise the Golden Era of hip-hop because everything that was displayed was real. From your personality to your trade, we were more grounded & comfortable as people. That was the real Grown & Sexy… and the dress code was “come as you are”.
October 7th, 2009 at 8:55 am
I hear you on “come as you are”, but things are pigeonholed too hard for that. I’m showing my age in this post clearly, but hey, it is what it is….oh and Scotch…I wouldn’t disrespect Kid Capri by calling what I heard a “blend”. A mash up is more like a re-edit, using time stretch and Ableton and such.
October 7th, 2009 at 9:01 am
As I just wrote in the comments on Dante’s Facebook post about this, I can’t remember the last time I read anything and said “hm-mmm” as much. As a 30 year-old so-called “creative” New Yorker, this post pretty much captures my entire perspective on, and quite a few of my own experiences in, my city for the past few years. I have to say I kind of embraced the so-called recession with open arms for the exact reason that I thought it would start the process of ridding the town of ironic Clipse fans from Utah and people who move to Bed Stuy and Bushwick and don’t interact with any of the people who were there before them. But the only ones who seem to be leaving are lifelong New Yorkers and two-family homeowners in places like Southeast Queens— the real soul and the backbone of the city, basically. I could go on.
October 7th, 2009 at 9:03 am
Well, I don’t know a Ableton from Capelton, but when I hear some B.S. like that inna dance, the w’ole place a go mash up.
October 7th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
I concur. The hipsters killed New York!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVcQJlgcsRI
October 7th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
J, your post is on point, as always. I stay in Uniondale but I venture into Manhattan and Brooklyn from time to time to hang out. It really isn’t worth most of my time and money, man. Lot of bullshit people out here. Can’t wait to leave this place. The hipsters did indeed kill the Rotten Apple.
October 7th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
@ Shakespeare…that video had me rollin! @ Mike…Uniondale Knights! I was out there yesterday, I cover HS basketball in Nassau County as a sports reporter. Nassau seems more like Jamaica than Brooklyn or Manhattan. That’s a mad haul to the city too, I’d just post up in Roosevelt Field and say fuck the city, haha.
October 7th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
@ jzone, good look & thanks. I addressed a lot of the issues you spoke about in another song. I’m a New Yorker to death and I KNOW Bushwick and Bed-Stuy. So when I hear folks refer to certain sections as East Williamsburg and Stuyvesant Heights, I can’t help but think, “you’re still 2 blocks away from getting “got”. NYC is just out of control.
October 8th, 2009 at 10:51 am
This dude J can really write.
October 8th, 2009 at 11:05 am
This blog is killin it man! One of the few things on the Internet I look forward to reading.. You’re too funny but you speaketh the truth! Please keep em coming!
October 9th, 2009 at 8:43 am
LMAO!!!! I’m not a native NY’er, but I will tell you this that this is the truth right here. I’ve stop trudging around the “music industry” septic tank for those very same reasons.
We should throw a party for the anti-establishment. Great post. I’ll keep checking this blog out. Shoutout to Drewpreme for hippin’ me to this.
October 9th, 2009 at 9:24 am
Found the whole coming out to a Big Tymers song and getting Booed off stage thing funny cuz I bump Big Tymers still and get wierd looks from folks who sure enough listen to Jeezy Clipse & current Wayne who think they are being cool & ironic listening to “crack rap” instead of “real hip hop”
October 9th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
I am starting to understand why NY hip hop sounds like NY hip hop.
Everyone in NY seems like they want to kill each other, or at least cause severe bodily harm.
Like being claustrophobic in an empty stadium.
October 10th, 2009 at 2:31 am
TROOF BOMBZ
October 10th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
@JZone: yeah, Nassau County has a lot of similarities to Jamaica. I used to stay in St. Albans and that are reminds me of Hempstead, Uniondale, Roosevelt and Freeport.
Oh and I was at the mall today. Dimes for days…
October 10th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Funny,i never thought that even in new york where there is so much of everything one would still not be able to find something to do. In my case it gets worse though because as a woman it means if i do go out out, nine out of ten times it’s with coworkers who have five kids and cheating husbands. Their idea of a good time is going out wearing clothes that don’t fit going to a club booty dancing for men and getting free drinks. Then you have a situation in which some ignorant ass men see these people i associate with and assume that i’m on the same boat. I use to bartend and have pretty much seen it all when it comes to clubbing and having to conversate with people whom i have nothing in common with..shit i did it for a living and had to drink a shot before every shift. now as far as going out, most women sadly do like do like men who drive a mercedez but live with their moms. So at least in my case where i don’t usually meet people who even know about what i truly like or what my hustle is, It gets down to at least going out with the few people i know and we end up in a lame ass place anyway. i remember this was back in my early 20’s you came to my town to do a show. I was excited i wanted to go and my boyfriend at the time agreed and then backed out. In which case i begged a friend to go with me and she did say yes. However, this girl took six hours to do her weave and showed up at my place almost at midnight with all her friends wearing patent leather pants mind you they were pretty hefty. anyway by the time we got there you were off stage show was over.Everything shuts down at two in the ocean state. Trust me as bad as it is for you it is even worse for women trying to find something decent to do without having to give in to the majority and once again going to the “grown & sexy” clubs.
October 13th, 2009 at 7:40 am
”young brother, you gots to lay that pipe to the broad, no matter how bad the arthritis is kickin in!” LMAO!!! That’s words to live by. I have to remember that as I get up in age!
Good stuff as usual! I’ve only had the pleasure to go to NYC one time. I was mostly in Times Square for the 4 days I was there with the other “tourists” so I didn’t get the opportunity to witness some of these things. I did get a chance to see the towers right before the tragedy of 9/11 though. I guess the only “real” experience I had was going to the “Wu-Wear” store and not knowing it was in the heart of the hood. lol I was on the bus and walking through the neighborhood as folks were grilling me hard! How naive of me. I had to put my camera away and get my “mean mug” on before I got jumped! lol
I feel you about not leaving the house after 7:00. Man, I guess I’m just getting old too. The club scene and strip clubs don’t do anything for me. I’m happy just staying at the crib watching a good movie or having friends and family come through and listen to music and getting on the turntables and beat machine ya know. It’s those rare occasions like the Lava events that get me excited and a few other events around Chicago but for the most part the social scene to me now is just as wack here in Chicago too.
October 14th, 2009 at 5:34 am
https://www.adbusters.org/magazine/79/hipster.html
article by Douglas Haddow about how the arrival of the hipster onto the scene is a harbinger of the crumbling of Western civilization
J-Zone you got an awesome blog
October 14th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
I guess the general consensus is that we’re either getting old and grumpy and/or people are becoming extremely corny.
October 14th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
@ Mike…I think its a combination of both. Fuck it, 30 aint the new 20. 30 is the new 30 with different sets of rules than our folks had, but its still 30. Funny you mention that whole area in Nassau, some of my family’s from Roosevelt. It looks calm and suburban out there, but I would hear a lot of these folks I was talking about in the article shitting on Long Island. Roosevelt and Hempstead are suburban looking places you DON’T wanna get caught slippin talking some “I live in Bushwick now” shit. Bottom line, NYC (and its surrounding suburbs) are just as segregated as the deep south, but nobody leaves their microcosm to see how the other half lives.
October 15th, 2009 at 11:34 am
J,
here is a lil’ Jamaica Ave. piece might take you back to a time before Bushwack Cornballism;
http://www.12ozprophet.com/index.php/keo/entry/king_status/
October 15th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
@ Scotch…Fuckin shirt kings!!! Yeah Milk and them stayed getting the air brush shit, even the second album from 1990 had the Air brush thing going on. I heard there was a spot like that in Far Rockaway too that Audio 2 used to show up at, but it closed down and it was known for hoodlums coming by and causing trouble, haha. I think it was a sneaker store and I’m not sure if there’s truth to that though, somebody from out there told me about it.
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:32 pm
That almost make me glad to live in Orlando, where there ain’t shit happening here everyday. Sad that social scene in NY hasn’t evolved past High School bullshit. Matter of fact, it sounds worse.
I enjoyed the write up, man. Your blog just got a subscriber for life.
December 7th, 2009 at 6:19 am
LMAO!!! so i just ran in to your lil blog/rant or what ever you wana call it and let me tell you dude iam 28 years old and iam in vegas,its the same shit here…much respect for the post i feel your pain dude lol lmao like WTF do you mean i cant have my HAT on fuck you…ill go home drink some beers and play me some ps3.period
January 30th, 2010 at 2:21 pm
Stop#5 “Grown & Sexy” clarifies boring is good. Better luck meeting quality in the library versus your everyday clubs. This experience reminded me of that Tongue& Groove place you were telling me about. Lots of yuppies in there too. Not my style.