ARE MEN THE “NEW” WOMEN? (WHAT THE FUCK)
J-Zone examines what is in his opinion a serious fashion faux pas going on. Can he find a sensible answer?
Caption: What does he need with a bag like that? Can anybody guess what’s in there? I took a few wild guesses myself.
CLOTHES DON’T MAKE THE MAN*
* Unless you can’t tell if he’s in fact a man by the way he‘s dressed.
Am I right in thinking this androgynous fashion is getting out of control, or has time just passed me by? This is just my opinion, and if it causes your panties to get in a bunch (literally), go read Vogue.
Are men the new women?
This is not a rhetorical question. I’m as serious as James Brown’s horn section. In the last 3-4 years, the thin line between men dressing "modern stylish" and men dressing for a Kiss album cover photo shoot gone horribly wrong has all but disappeared. If you’re on stage or in some crazy ass fashion show or something, fine, anything goes in those settings. But on the streets of big cities like NYC, people are trying to outdo each other with the most gender testing fashion statements they can think of. I‘m all for setting new tradition, but God damn, walking through Union Square feels like a walking dead smack into Boy George video shoot. Men with taco meat on the chest and fur on the feet shouldn’t be walking around in skin tight V-Neck sweaters with no undershirt and open toe sandals looking like Teen Wolf went metro, fuck that shit. Even the kids for fuck sake. When I saw this video, I damn near croaked, and realized that even young men and teenage boys are opting to shop in their little sister’s closets . Then kids have the nerve to throw gang signs? Really? Am I supposed to fear some 85 pound punk that borrowed his girlfriend’s outfit telling me about his “swag”? Look, my generation ain’t innocent. In high school in the early 90‘s, we wore our pants way off our asses and 8 sizes too big like we were fresh outta Spofford, so adults said the same shit about us. In retrospect, we looked incredibly stupid, but at least we could let our nuts hang to the left (or right) so they could breathe a bit. But in 2009, if you were to ask some dude posting up in his lo-rise spandex denim “how’s it hangin homie?”, he’ll probably answer “it’s stuck dude”.
Look, there’s nothing wrong with being well-groomed and fashionable, but I really want to figure out what drives some men’s desire to out-pretty a woman if they’re not actual pimps. Only the silkiest of pimps are in competition to be pretty, so unless your name is Suga Free (who by the way is the greatest entertainer of the last decade), Goldie or Pretty Tony, I don‘t see the reasoning. I’ve also seen quite a few men carrying designer granny purses lately. Excuse me, “murses”, aka male purses. Was Indiana Jones ahead of his time? I understand that with the influx of all these new pointless gadgets, you may need something to carry all your shit around and don’t want to roll with a briefcase out of fear of looking like your pops or a backpack out of fear of looking like you‘re about to start freestyling. But laptop bags or men’s tote bags should be a viable option, not a big Chanel purse.
Look, you’ll probably accuse me of intolerance, ignorance or whatever “ance” you feel would apply to old-school thinking. OK, but when I opened up the August 2nd NY Daily News and saw a center spread of men showing off big dainty designer bags with $3,000 price tags that you would expect Naomi Campbell to have slung over her shoulder, all of a sudden the plight of Plaxico Burress in the sports section didn’t seem too serious to me. No, I’m not being insecure, I’m just puzzled. Some things are made for men, some things are made for women, and I need help seeing the point of bucking the system for the sake of getting a double-take and nothing else.
Here’s my first question…What the fuck is in that big ass God damn purse that a dude would need on his way to Starbucks from the office? Wallet, keys, cel phone and some chewing gum…maybe some glasses. But what else? Multiple choice…
a. a Teddy Ruxpin doll.
b. Radio Raheem’s cassette single of “Fight The Power”.
c. Arvid from Head Of The Class’ pocket protector.
d. The tissue Redman used to stuff in his nose when his first album came out.
e. Theo Huxtable’s homemade Gordon Gartrelle shirt.
I’m not on an attack as much as I am completely befuddled. Is this just a knee-jerk reaction to take a stand against the norm, or is there a deeper meaning? Maybe the ever thinning line between gender has something to do with men and women not understanding each other? Maybe some men just want to go undercover to get some info and bring it back to the home base? Like the age old question of ‘what the hell are women talking about in those frequent group field trips to the bathroom at the club?’ Maybe we can send one of these dudes in there as an undercover field reporter to find out what base we’re getting to on that particular night and hear second hand how cheap we are for not buying drinks for some lousy sloth broads we don’t even know. The lighting is kind of dim in the bathroom, maybe the “murse” will boost the disguise. There’s an answer that would make sense if it were true.
Here’s my next question. Is there an unfair double standard against tomboys? All these Vogue-esque fashion “experts” will tell a woman in baggy sweats and Timberland boots to “grow up and dress like a lady” with no hesitation. But if you tell this frail-by-nature and still counting his carbohydrates so he can out-slim his girlfriend waif of a dude in ankle warmers (ankle warmers are my term for skinny jeans that you can’t pull past your thigh) to “grow his lil dainty bitch ass up dress like a fuckin man”, then you’re intolerant, archaic, ignorant, immature and insecure. I’m wondering how long it will be before I’m no longer relevant in the social landscape because I can’t brag about the clearinghouse price I bought my new bra for.
Look, as I explained in the Love TKO article , men and women aren’t supposed to share all of the same traits. If we did, we’d all be one gender for fuck sake. Men and women are the Hatfields and McCoys, apples and oranges, chitterlings and BBQ tofu, Ernie and Bert, Ja Rule and 50 Cent, etc. If you and your girlfriend can share clothes beyond her sleeping in your old summer league basketball t-shirt, that’s a whatthefuckish thing. I can hear people babbling already, “why is he concerned with another dude’s fashion?” Again, I’ll answer, I’m not. I’m just at a loss for words and would like to know where/how/why the fuck men found the need to set trends so badly, that they choose to break rules that don’t need to be broken . Let me see if I can figure out an answer to all of this shit…I’ll bet $5,600.
CLICK HERE FOR JEOPARDY THINK MUSIC
“OK Alex Trebek, I think I’ve finally found the answer. Do men wear big ass granny purses because their jeans have gotten so tight, that they can’t hold a set of 3 keys in their pockets without it tearing a hole in the $500 denim? Therefore, they need a baguette, bead and bangle tattered handbag?”
It’s my only conclusion, I give up, that’s my final answer. The only other answer I would have is…maybe I’m just out of touch and getting old…and I’m the one that’s crazy. Either way, all I can say is…what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck? Somebody help me out here.
PS. Don’t worry ladies. If you ask me to hold your purse for a second while you try on that new outfit, I’ll do it and won’t make a screw face. Just don’t expect me to buy that new outfit for you, look inside your purse to solve that dilemma 
August 10th, 2009 at 9:21 am
Mr Zone you are on point again and this article is my feelings exactly. I feel like hip hop fashion is getting rediculous (and fashion in general) case in point that song “put it in a bag” wtf is that shit? I feel like kids these days are way too feminine. If your gay…hey…to each his own but let’s ont confuse the hell out of everyone. Is there a testosterone shortage amongst young men these days b/c most these kids look like the biggest sissys ever.
August 10th, 2009 at 9:38 am
I’m lost myself. It’s really become out of fashion to have standard characteristics of a man. What the fuck?? I’m movin to Mars.
August 10th, 2009 at 9:39 am
Conspiracy theory: Hollywood, the media, and all evil sources of information we’re stuck with have been slowly softening the male species in America for many years now. Have we noticed the infiltration of shows where men are given face lifts and told what clothes to wear by gay dudes? Movies where straight men kiss on screen for laughs (will farrell and sasha cohen)?
The same way the govt. wants us hooked on Zoloft, fat, lazy, depressed and dependent has now been extended to being soft bitch ass dudes. Maybe big brother has sprinkled “let’s make our nation’s men into complacent hand-bag wearing bitches” into their itinerary. Makes us easier to control, right? When they come down your block to take your right to bear arms away from you right before they take your land away (they did it in Russia, folks), you’ll be too busy tweezing your eyelashes and listening to Lady GaGa-Garbage to put up a fight. Granted, this feminization is happening in the cities more than in the sticks, put there’s a ripple effect to be aware of.
Resist. Don’t get your eyebrows waxed, skin artificially tanned, and for christ sakes, take those tight jeans off!
August 10th, 2009 at 10:08 am
yo jay!!! your on point again…
I CAN’T EXPLAIN IT!!
I like Butchas explanation on it also!!
August 10th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
You’ve made a lot of good points bro, that handbag shit aint even cute for cross-dressers. It’s sending such a queer message to young kids. And this tight-jeans movement in Hip-Hop is the worst! I’d rather see the Philly Blunt gun-clappin’ era come back!!
August 10th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
I also don’t understand why grown ass men are wearing flip flops when they ain’t at the beach or the pool. This is NYC, not South Beach. “thefuckouttahere”
August 10th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
I’m not against brothers trying to step up their clothing game. I’m not down with the tight jeans flex, but as I grow older, I prefer to wear jeans that are made to fit. Not trying to be Rakim, wearing 40 Belows, and jeans with the same waist size as my age.
I’m sure the kids like those in the video will look back when they’re older and laugh at the tackiness of their clothes.
August 10th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
I was on the E train last night heading home and saw a couple of dudes on the train that looked like you wrote this article about them.. I don’t really get it myself..
August 10th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
Booth you’re exactly right. 40 year old men in 8xl throwbacks and jeans 8 sizes too big sportin a doo rag in the street is just tacky. We got kids watchin us, and I feel you on dressin a lil older. I even wear shirt and ties when i go to cover bball games haha, but that skinny jean sag gotta go. Beats…haha, E train. I hope they didn’t live in Jamaica (maybe they did, I see that over here more and more these days).
August 11th, 2009 at 8:17 am
I’m gonna start rocking one of those hairy little bags Scotsman wear over the testicular area. Maybe I can start a trend. If you’re gonna go man-purse, why not go all the way male with it? Word, designer Ball-Bags for the 2010. I’ll call it the Beau-Sack. Copyright. TM.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
haha @SCOTCH79
you should run with that idea. The fact that it made me (and probably other readers) laugh, adds a bit of possibility and legitimacy to the idea.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
dude, that’s a bowling ball bag, ferilla. looks like he added a little flair to it, but it certainly looks like it was a bowling ball bag at one point in time.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
P.S.
i think dude’s pants are more the issue here (as well as his mandels).
August 12th, 2009 at 6:53 am
amen to that fuckin blog homie. i’ve been sayin that shit for a while now too. not only is the music to “you’re a jerk” retarded, but man those fuckin clothes. why these dudes are tryin to dress like fuckin divas, i have no idea.
like i tell my guy friends who think about gettin skinny jeans, “Your balls will never forgive you”
August 12th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Blame Kanye, He’s turning hip hop back into electro, Unless your name happens to be Arabian Prince that shit has got to go.
My nuts are far to big, and prefer far to much room to wear faggot pants like that.
I do match my shoes with my shirts though…shit.
August 12th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
@ Mediocre Pimp…The minute I saw Kanye with the shag (that’s a mullet for brothers) and all that expensive (and tight) retro-electro-metro shit became fashionable, I knew we were headed back to the 80’s…but yet the subways are safe enough in NYC to carry ipods. Strange times…
August 13th, 2009 at 7:23 am
Having your goddamn trousers below your ass is considered to be gay.. WTF does having a murse mean then? I don’t know man I’m not from the US so this Man purse thing hasn’t reached out here yet, but I hope it don’t cause that would mean me calling a lot of people ‘gay’ wtf is wrong with society? And people used to look at me in a weird way cause I sported baggy trousers and big ass shirts.. It’s better than having your balls aching from all the pressure with tight trousers.. Dem niggas is gay
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnWruamkKVU&NR=1
August 13th, 2009 at 8:59 am
Let these kids have their run with the pause-worthy outfits. I’m old enough to know that they’re going to look back on photos with them in teal skinny jeans sagged to their thigh and cringe. I’m guessing that many people reading this are from the era where people wore Cross Colors, 555 Soul tie-tops, Used Jeans, XXL Carhartt vests and black college hoodies with the zigzag stitching. I don’t know what is more idiotic. Like Mike Ditka said when he got fired by the Bears, “this too shall pass.”
One thing that’s totally unforgivable, though, is dudes in sandals. GZA killed that shit on Liquid Swords. I think it comes down to the fact that you can’t really fight or run away from anyone in sandals. There’s a war going on outside, so on a hot day I’ll take my chances in Air Max.
August 13th, 2009 at 9:01 am
Everything is cyclical in hip hop, and this is just a return to the era when groups like Soul Sonic Force and The Furious Five were dressed like the Village People and Coldcrush were making punk-rock crossover records and wearing spiked armbands.
However, the manbag trend is just plain wrong. Motherfuckers should’ve learned from Seinfeld :
“It’s not a purse, it’s European!
August 13th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Yo I so feel you on this!!! Where have all the jeans and Tee’s go Timms and sneakers go???? And the hand bags OOOH HELL NAW!!!!!!!
August 13th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Naming yourself Whipper whip or dot a rock is just plain wrong also, but I doubt rappers are gonna start calling themselves jerky jams and the funkfly 6 minus 2.5 + 4.
Hip hop needs to be better than that.
I don’t want to accept hip hop going through past cycles.
We don’t need Bobby Jimmy Part 2 we need motherfuckers to be Greg Mack.
As a white guy, I have to say that the emo-if-ication of Hip hop needed to end yesterday.
I ain’t trying to listen to some trend of the moment rap about what is popular with 12 year old white girl while at the same time borrowing her pants any more than I am trying to hear dudes who can’t write a coherent song(looking at you slaughterhouse).
I feel like my dad,screaming that ain’t music, that’s just noise…and blue balls.
Hip hop is just a bunch of faggots and fruit loops and it breaks my fucking heart.
(sorry for the diarrhea of the keyboard moment i just had)
August 13th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
That’s another point. I feel like one of the adults that used to shit on me for wearing my pants baggy and listening to “music with all that cussin”. thats why i said maybe we’re just old. but that metro man purse shit is objectively wack, that shit ain’t even opinion. fuck that. you’re right about these dudes out here not making coherent songs too. im not familiar with slaughterhouse, so i cant judge him/them. but im tired of people “spittin bars”/smack DVDs and 40 year old men in 8xl tall tees just as much as the skinny sag (although skinny sag is worse). my pops is 61, and he’s ironically a big eazy-e fan…but he can’t stand this new shit, so go figure.
August 14th, 2009 at 1:43 am
Man, now every fuckin body is just doing mixtapes, even myspace has gone wrong.. a couple of years ago it consisted in knowing new people and shit like that, now everybody wants me to hear their music and all that crap like I’m some fuckin music critic, and every one in a while I listen to their shit and give my opinion, one of them dudes actually followed what I said and hooked me up with the track he made.. I mean, ok thanks for trusting me, but I don’t even know you.. why me? Where’s the good hip-hop? Now you have to dig deep to find good music, before even them clubs played hot joints.. And I still want another bo$$ hog barbarians. =b please?
August 15th, 2009 at 6:44 am
I use to love H.E.R. …then she gave her pants and accsesories to her little brother and tried to get me to hang out with him.
August 15th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Zone you are far very far from old. You are right though, the gender role for men now is very blurry. I personally can not ever date a man who i feel is trying to steal my shine. Sadly yes kanye has contributed to the homofication of men’s fashion. I blame vogue, I blame the media as well and i blame men’s magazines promoting this type of shit as being acceptable hip male fashion. For men in their mid 20’s to 30’s it looks even worse.It shows a lack of character for men to walk around wearing purple tight jeans and french manicured tips on his toe nails just cause some egocentric prick on TV wears a members only jacket and spandex. Even worse is carrying a damn tote bag… tsk tsk so discouraging for women.=/
August 17th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
just today i went downtown to look for a shirt and the first store i entered had this poster of a man wearing eyeliner. good to know that i’m not the only person who’s sick of this.
August 20th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
To much faggot shit going on, Gay commercial hip hop, Gay r&b bullcrap. The things that cuase male estrogen are smoking, drinking alchohol and eating animal meat. Bottom line skinny jeans are for faggots and lil wayne listeners. blame lil wayne and kan-gay west they started all this skinny jean faggotry.
August 22nd, 2009 at 12:40 pm
No its Ziggy Stardust for the new. Remember when David Bowie made it okay for men to kiss in glitter? And in the 80’s street gangs could war in midriff grazing tees and belly chains. Same shit different day. I am a strictly heels wearing woman, and I have to admit that this latest trend in menswear puts me at odds with myself. Should I step my game up or give up? When men wear purses there is no future for the female separatists movement.
August 22nd, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Aw man I’m sittin here laughing at that “Your A Jerk ” video but I’m realizing : I got a son ! Just how long will this shit last . If it it goes on another ten years it’s gonna get personal for us with sons . Well if you think about it , it all makes sense . 2009 is nothing like 89 ( no matter where your from ) The times are softer , areas that used to be ruff are safer , gentrification etc. etc. , so the culture is reflecting the times .When I was 15 in 92 the dress code in MD/DC was either: hustler style polo/nike/gibraud /guess/ down or onyx status: army
gear / all black/ timberland boots and everything was at least 2 sizes bigger . We cant let our sons dress like that though - no lol-
August 23rd, 2009 at 8:49 am
Yeah man in general kids are more disrespectful and more liable to jump you on some gang shit, but they got no knuckle game at all. Soft. I’m scared to have kids, especially sons.
August 27th, 2009 at 1:10 am
Girly men force is on the rise. Beware,lock your windows,close your doors!! beware
September 16th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
The tight pants thing I can associate with hype beast kids in high school and trustafarian hipsters in Williamsburg. It’s a passing phase, and history repeats itself every twenty years. But something that is far worse in my opinion are Faux Hawks. You know the mowhawk fades these kids and adults who never grew up are running around with. Mohawks were also popular in 80’s. But if you actually glance at one these spike haired faux hawks, the ridiculous looking metrosexual it is attached to will give you the same type of fight look as the skater in levi’s spandex.
Back on topic though, whenever I skateboarded in high school I would wear the the biggest pants possible because you sweat hard, and you need room to breathe. I actually suspect that the tight pants trend may also be a ploy by the powers that be to program the younger generation with poor fashion sense in order to constrict their sperm production, as a means of future population reduction, in order to avert a global food shortage.
January 30th, 2010 at 2:38 pm
Hey, thanks for writing about this. We were talking about this new skinny jeans trend. My husband went to Burlington and the mall to buy jeans, but they were all skinny jeans. He came home with nothing that day. And
I haven’t seen the man purse trend here in CT. Good thing I haven’t though, it would have been a shock to me. The great thing about living here is that CT is slow on getting the latest fashions versus NYC. So I hope the man purse thing stays in the city.