P.E.T.A GOTTA GO, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
Are you serious? You can’t be serious. President Obama swats a fly that was pestering him and PETA has something to say about it? Before I take the time to state my beef (no pun intended) with an organization that holds about as much relevance as a Tito Jackson solo album, let’s hear their side…
http://blog.peta.org/archives/2009/06/obama_and_the_f.php
They didn’t really attack him, but the fact that they had something to say at all…enough is enough. OK you’re a crusader for animal rights. Good, that’s your cause, do what you gotta do. I’m sure you have plenty of thank you cards donning the walls of your headquarters from the children of the fox that made J-Lo’s coat. But I gotta say…I’ve never seen a more obnoxious, overzealous, annoying group of pseudo-do-gooders in my life. A cause is a cause, but PETA is a god damn cult. Don’t ya’ll like racquetball or Tarot Cards or something? If you want people to respect (or join) your cause, being a hair-triggered extremist ain’t gonna help you. PETA is like that bitchy PTA lady in Lean On Me that hounded Joe Clark’s ass all movie. Let me get this straight. I see a mean ass raccoon in my backyard -which happens quite often in Southeast Queens- and I hypothetically have a gun. This raccoon is thinking…
“Man…I’mma fuck this dude up if he comes out in this yard, I‘m the fuckin yard father.”
I’m thinking…
“I’d better bust a cap in his ass so me or somebody else doesn’t get attacked and wind up with a case of rabies (or killed). Not to mention, I can make one of those raccoon hats out of his ass that would go nice with a sheepskin coat on some old school shit (sorry, it fit perfectly).”
Ain’t no scaring him off or calling the ASPCA, he’s a god damn goner. I’m gonna Nino Brown his ass for my own peace of mind and safety. At least I get 2 for 1 from my attack. He’s just trying to fuck me up for sport. And I’m the guy in the wrong? So I suppose if the grand dragon of PETA found a roach in his/her box of Corn Flakes, he/she would just put the lil bastard in a Miracle Whip jar, drive his ass to Jones Beach and set him free? Fuck that. Look at that old freak bitch in Connecticut that had Travis the Chimp, her pet chimpanzee that slept in the same bed with her, ate caviar and drank wine from long stemmed glasses. And when he spazzed the fuck out one day unprovoked and mauled her friend to the point of being disfigured, this old bitch had the nerve to say “he’s never done anything like that before, he’s gone crazy!”
Silly ho, listen. That’s a god damn chimp. You can put these animals in a zoo and home train them and put em in the circus all you want, but at the end of the day, they’re prone to go off on your ass for no reason at all -or at least no reason you can ever comprehend- and rightfully so. They’re wild animals, we’re people. We’re not SUPPOSED to understand each other, nor should we co-mingle, make friends, co-habitate or fight for each other‘s rights. Lemme see you call a Honey Badger cute when he’s breakin your ass off somethin proper, word to MC Hammer. Survival of the god damn fittest. If you have a parakeet or a fish tank or something, that’s your business. But standin up here defending pests, parasites and animals that would kill your ass if given a chance… MIND YOUR GOD DAMN BUSINESS PETA. DO YOU REALLY THINK that there’s a bunch of bears sitting in Yosemite Park having this conversation?
Bear 1: Yo man, I’m sick of these cops racial profiling on the NJ Turnpike and beatin on folks in the inner city for no reason at all.
Bear 2: Yeah, and the blood is flowing on the streets of Iran, it’s a shame.
Bear 3: And it hurts me that other bears attack and kill people when they get hungry.
Bear 1: So let’s start an organization…B.E.T.H…Bears for the Ethical Treatment of Humans.
Bear 2: Salud! I’m feelin that! Pass the Thunderbird!
Hell muthafuckin no. Getthefuckouttahere with that bullshit. A bear sees one of you PETA folks, me or any other human being, his first thought is…
“Man I’m hungry then a muhfucka round here. Jack in the Box done closed and these fools out here hiking and eating trail mix. I’m finna gaffle they asses real smooth and have me some cold cuts for the whole week.”
PETA is mad as us for eating seafood, so why don’t they protest an alligator’s diet of humans? Same damn shit. The bottom line is, anybody trying to stop me from fuckin up one of those good ass tuna steaks from Trader Joe’s is no friend of mine.
If you have a cause, fine, fight for it. But at the end of the day, wild animals, rodents, pests and parasites ain’t your muthafuckin friends and keep in mind with a cause of this nature, you cant afford to run around like self-righteous kamikazes. People may not like you. If you wanna go on a crusade and offer the President a customized bug catcher or recruit T.I. from jail for a campaign, fine. But if I choose to eat me a god damn fish sandwich then I go and gank the world’s last Dodo Bird and decide to make a god damn headband out of his ass, that’s my prerogative (insert Bobby Brown song here). You do your thing, let me do mine. Back up off my line with all that loudmouth talk and pass the god damn hot sauce.
June 22nd, 2009 at 2:44 pm
“Brilliant”.I always questioned why an organization exist to protect animals?Yet zoo’s still exist.Which are just plain cruel.Let me know when that Tito Jackson cd hit’s the street.
June 22nd, 2009 at 3:21 pm
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June 22nd, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Do I hear some left over frustration from touring with two vegetarians? Well, first of all, human flesh apparently is not that tasty. It might taste like chicken to us, but apparently sharks and bears and lions disagree. While people do get mistaken as a late afternoon snack, animals are actually not prone to kill humans cause they like them as part of a balanced diet.
But I agree, a fly is a fly is a cockroach is a ‘hand me that rolled up magazine’. Godspeed to your hunting efforts. But leave those endangered species alone. They are in many cases beautiful and women like it if you shed a tear for them. Besides, they propbably don’t taste like chicken and don’t come with a basked full of waffles neither.
June 23rd, 2009 at 5:44 am
Haha, Mr. Tree Hugs…touring with them wasn’t a problem…and some of the Vegetarian food was good, lol. But this ain’t about the food/diet, I don’t eat red meat my damn self but the reason is because the shit is nasty. Its more about PETA’s fuckin attitude and nitpicking. And ODing by fighting for the rights of animals that don’t give a fuck about people, flies and shit. And by the way, Lou ate fish!
June 23rd, 2009 at 9:52 am
Great point Bucky. Like alot of kids growing up I use to love going to the zoo as a shorty. I think the last time I went I was like a pre-teen maybe and it was an awful experience. It was nasty and smelled like all hell. And the animals looked miserable. Wild animals were not meant to pets or put in zoos (prison) for human enjoyment. If I was a lion, bear, shark etc and knew my parents and siblings were in the zoo I’d be looking for a little “payback” when a human steps foot in my territory too! lol I’m not a PETA “hater” but I agree that they are going overboard. I doubt they would use that swatter when a big a@# bee is stinging them and their arm is getting more and more swollen. You made some good points J-Zone mixed by your unique humor as always.
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:08 am
f an A mang….. I heard Yoganana Paramahanza said about insects… it’s ok to move them on…hmmm
p
October 8th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
Murs had those PETA people at Paid Dues this year. I was too blunted to think about the fact I was holding a big, greasy ass pulled pork sandwich as I headed over to check out the booth. This chick has the nerve to ask me to sign some petition and put my email address, and I tell her, “Sorry, my hands are full.”
She actually offered to hold the sandwich for me while I signed it, and I instantly felt like shit. So I signed it with some phony email address while holding the sandwich, and I go and spill some pulled pork onto her petition, haha.
I still wonder if she tossed the page, or offered it up to others, unfazed about the fact it was stained with fried flesh and all that.